I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
