Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
zippers are such a cool invention
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
