Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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