how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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