Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And then he peed in my hair
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
