I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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