I wannas sexs uuuuu
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
