Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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