At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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