i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
