Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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