I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
