they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
