hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
