I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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