i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
