Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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