Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
