According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
