I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
