i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
