The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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