Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
