He felt like a one man threesome
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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