Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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