I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
