that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
