Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
not ubering you a puppy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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