Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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