I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
