First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
