my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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