they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
