Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
