had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
