the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you had me at cake vodka
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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