At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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