HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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