Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
smell my finger.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
