Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
