Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
