I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your penis caused this!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize