wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
