I think my vagina is haunted
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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