She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My ass is underappreciated
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
