I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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