i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
