im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize