Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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