So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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