I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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