watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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