508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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