i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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