I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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