Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
