is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
