I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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