I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize