you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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