I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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