I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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