i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
please come you make the beer taste better
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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