What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
