if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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