Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Say something about gay babies.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
