Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
