so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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