ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
