I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
