1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
