I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
