in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
