In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
