we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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