He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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