ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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