Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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